Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
