Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
