the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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