her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
