I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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