I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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