I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
