He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
