So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
