May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
