Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
