You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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