somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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