woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
