I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize