I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
