I'm jealous of your bromance
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
