if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
