You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
