So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my liver is dry heaving
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
