Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
