her vagine was all disorganized.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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