Define "chronic" masturbator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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