I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize