when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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