Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
