oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The best revenge is premature balding
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
