Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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