Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
