You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
