I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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