Sry I called you an 8
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
