they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
