I think I won the penis lottery.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
