i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Alive.
So much puke
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
