I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
