He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize