that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
