This is not my ceiling
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
