my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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