its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
