A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
