i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
wow bdsm is so cute
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
