The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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