She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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