yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
