After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
