I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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