So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
