so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
foreskin is a definite game changer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
