i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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