I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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