My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
