I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
