We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
