The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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