I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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