Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
