...so i touched it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just high enough for therapy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
