Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
