you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We are two peas in an std pod
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
