I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
