i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
