I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
