my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
