My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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