At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
