i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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