well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
