Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
