Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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