it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
