I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
