You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
