I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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